I do believe that my recent euphoric episode was sort of a Nardil-induced hypomania (Or was it? Read on). I am not bipolar, and no doctor has ever suspected so. I talked to a friend yesterday who said she had a two-week hypomania episode. For her it manifests itself as becoming super productive, but forgetting about the rest of the world. My "hypomania," or whatever you want to call it, left me feeling exhuberant and giddy. I was super funny, super productive, super confident, and super friendly. So what's so wrong with all of this? As "good" as it felt, there was no peace inside all of this good feeling. Something was driving me, and it wasn't me.
...Or was it really medication-induced? I also had a lot of reason to be giddy. One of my core longings is love. There is a long story behind this, but it's not right for this blog. So just before my "hypomania" I had three potential dates. One came through and it was a fun time. Imagine someone walking around in the desert for a decade thirsty and finally he finds water. Well that's an exaggerated way to compare how I felt. I was so happy to finally feel like I'm getting somewhere in this area of my life which has been largely non-existent. That's sure to make me happy, right? How about hypomanic? If my theory were correct, then I guess I would have been hypomanic during the dating period. Well, turns out I was depressed the week I went out on the date. Even the day of the date I was depressed, but I managed to pull myself up and have a decent time. Perhaps along with the wonderful feelings of dating there are also real feelings of fear and distress that come along with it. Thus the fluctuation between depressed and giddy. Who knows.
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