I remember

I remember a time, perhaps in 2011 or so, when nothing was giving me any pleasure. I remember telling someone this and shedding a tear. Then, maybe 6 months later I noticed that, without any change in medications or any new treatments, I felt better. I was enjoying things more and feeling some pleasure. How did that happen? Here I am, feeling sort of the same unwellness as I had experienced before. Only a few months ago, having felt well and strong, I had tinkered with the dose of Nardil, reducing it very gradually down by 3.25 mg, and then by 7.5 mg just to see what would happen. I noticed more distressing thoughts started to appear in my mind. As I was just about to leave on a vacation, I resumed taking 60 mg. The thoughts eventually went away. But since this little experiment on my part, I have not been able to regain that feeling of wellness and stability that I had been feeling. I feel more off-center. I feel more overwhelmed. I don't feel as chirpy and in the mood to socialize. I feel sad at times. Two days ago I increased the dose of the Nardil to 67.5 mg, but I feel like I'm repeating the same thing only to have the same result: no improvement and more side effects. I'm going to go back down to 60 mg. For the last five weeks I have been feeling this way. Will this just pass in due time? I haven't mentioned the other things happening in my life right now. Good things, yet there is a flip side to said good things. I am deliberately ignoring these things. And, in doing so, I'm only telling half the story.