8 Years and A Switch

Eight years have passed since I started taking Nardil. What happens in the brain when a person is on a medication for so long? I desperately wish I could reduce my medication because I worry sometimes about potential long-term consequences. I have thoughts about being 60 years old and ugly and alone. Will I still be on Nardil then? I quickly stop such lines of negative thinking! The last time I reduced the dose of Nardil, I felt the depression sneak up on me. I just want to reduce it; I don't want to go off of it completely just yet. I want to believe that the process of maturing as an adult can make me feel more safe, secure, and joyful inside, and, therefore, less dependent on medication. But, deep down inside, I still feel like I have more maturing to do.

A few weeks ago I noticed the refill for Nardil was taking unusually long to process. I called the pharmacy and was told that the brand name Nardil is on back order at the manufacturer. It can take several weeks for the medicine to be ready. I could have called other pharmacies, but I decided to just take the risk and ask for the generic version. I received the phenelzine manufactured by Lupin (formerly Gavis). I was relieved that it was not the Greenstone version, which I had tried several years ago and which felt different. I have been on the Lupin version for three weeks and I don't think I feel any difference mentally. I do feel a difference in my wallet because the generic has a much lower copayment than the brand name.