I've been exposed to the work of Carl Jung and his adherents recently. The concept of individuation strikes at the core of my soul. The word itself represents both what I lost as a teenager (and perhaps before that) and what I stand to gain. As part of this process of individuating, one of Jung's adherents writes that we must fully engage in life.
"Quit seeing life as something we want to avoid. By this I mean accept that taking risks, loneliness, conflict, defeat and suffering are not only vital parts of life, they are necessary to transformation, wholeness and the experience of joy."
I really try to fully engage in life; I take risks, yet they haven't yielded any gain it seems. So I still feel incomplete and untested because I haven't experienced a profound part of life experience. Sometimes it baffles me that it is this way; other times it makes complete sense. What's certain is that underneath any confidence there is a great amount of fear; the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar. On the flip side of my dreams and fantasies is fear. The fear of inadequacy.
I haven't been praying as much recently and I haven't felt as connected to Jesus/God/Holy Spirit. I'll just let it be for now. If the Kingdom of God is within us, then the work of individuation perhaps is an inherently spiritual practice.
